Celebrities. They're more than just people who've stumbled into fame and fortune. They're our surrogate family members, always on call to give us advice for all life's tough moments, everything from corraling your runaway Texas hold'em addicition to improving your digestive systems.
So I thought it was high time for me to give back, before yet another cherished member of our extended celebrity family is forced to sit for an unflattering impromptu pencil-and-chalk courthouse portrait complete with fuschia waves of energy. The next time, say, some native Australian wants to make sure Bill's breakfast bistro in Sydney will keep a ricotta pancake platter warm for when he or she returns, here's the best procedure:
1. For international calls, it's best to use a calling card or credit card. Hotel long distance rates can be fiendishly expensive, even when you make $10 million a film.
2. Dial 8 or 9 for an outside line, then use the 1-800 number for your calling card service. When the automatronic lady asks for the number your calling, dial 01 + the country code (in this case 61) + the number (02 9360 9631).
3. Punch in your calling card or credit card number, and chatter away. If you do get Bill himself on the line, ask him why none of his recipies ever seem to work in the United States. If he blames operator error, chuck the phone into the nearest non-human target.
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